So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
