I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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