thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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