I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
