i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
