There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
