I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
