if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
