I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
