I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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