They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
