one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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