I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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