i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
