So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
