At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
