I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants