I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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