I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
