So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
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Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
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I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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