How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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