I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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