PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
