I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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