out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
