On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
