I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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