I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
