I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
