sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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