i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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