Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
