Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
