Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
The convent might be a nice break from real life
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
