kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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