and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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