At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
