The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
