Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
