He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
