everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
