uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
