Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
