I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
