careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
