No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
