ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
