3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
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I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
A bitchslap is in order.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
