Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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