two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize