Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
