She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
