I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
