the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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