Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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