recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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