just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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