I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
At least make sure they are 18
Why
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
