i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
