and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
