I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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