I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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