the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
