Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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